1. Today’s Motivational Devotional: Taking Criticism
    There may come a day when colleagues and observers harshly reject your plans, your projects, or your beliefs. In such times it’s important to remember that they don’t know your story; they have not walked your journey. Forgive them and move on.

     
  2. Which Thing Are You?

     I took a quiz to find out what I am, and I got something awesome! Which thing are you?

     Which stage prop from a sitcom would I be? According to the “Entertainment Weekly” quiz, I’m Jerry Seinfeld’s telephone (land line). Dang! I was hoping for the fridge.

    Love, love, love the Wool Growers Association quiz; I got Border Liecester! Which breed of sheep are you?

     Tricky stuff filling in that Roman Numerals Career Profile questionnaire, but guess what? I’m MCMXXIX. Hey, that’s 1929—the year of the stock market crash! Ruh Roh.

     Yikes. Creepy crawlers in the African Serpents and Other Reptiles personal profile, and look out everybody—I’m an Eastern Green Mamba. Free the vipers!

     I also took the Arabic Numeral quiz, and apparently I’m “8,” whatever that means. I guess this helps at the casino?

     I followed my heart in the Kitchen Utensil Matchmaker quiz, and now I’m dating a slotted spoon! (for non-stick surfaces). Which utensil is YOUR honey bunny?

    Just completed the Silent Movie Starring Mabel Normand quiz, and I got For the Love of Mabel. Anyone who knows me probably saw that coming!

     Whew! Finally finished that “Engines of Antiquity” quiz. I got Water Wheel, which also means I’m very spiritual.

     I kicked that “Badass Aircraft of the Second Word War” quiz. I’m a B-17 Flying Fortress, bitches. Yo, Hitler, I’ma fuck up some German munitions factories!

     According to some stuff that happened during my birth, I’m polypropylene. What type of plastic did your mom’s procedure make you?

     Which hardwood was I in a past life? A shellbark hickory. Take the quiz and find out what you’re made of, fella.

     Dig this, comrades: I just completed the Former Soviet Union Automobile Production quiz. That’s me behind the wheel of a 1968 Moskvitch 412! Is reliable transportation—nyet!

     If we can trust the Corrugated Cardboard Personality Assessment, I’m Single Wall Board, E-flute. I may contain the next pizza you order! Which cardboard container are you?

     Here’s some Bible fun, you guys. A new i-Phone app matches your employment history with Old Testament plagues; it turns out I’m locusts. You mofos better harvest that wheat before my ass gets back in town!

     WTF? That Buzzfeed quiz has me down as Richard Speck. Which real-life serial killer are you?

     
  3. National Poetry Month update

    she being Brand
    -new;
    and you
    know consequently a
    little stiff I was
    careful of her and (having
    thoroughly oiled the universal
    joint tested my gas felt of
    her radiator made sure her springs were O.
    K.)

    from “She Being Brand New,” e.e. cummings

     
  4. It’s been said that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but let’s not discount what sunlight and shadows can do.

     
  5. NATIONAL POETRY MONTH update

    I am the one who stood beside you and smiled,
    Thinking your face so strangely young …
    I am the one who loved you but did not dare.
    I am the one you followed through crowded streets,
    The one who escaped you, the one with red-gleamed hair.

    I am the one you saw to-day, who fell
    Senseless before you, hearing a certain bell:
    A bell that broke great memories in my brain.
    I am the one who passed unnoticed before you,
    Invisible, in a cloud of secret pain.

    Weave, weave, weave, you streaks of rain!
    I am dissolved and woven again …
    Thousands of faces rise and vanish before me.
    Thousands of voices weave in the rain.

    excerpts from CITY OF DUST, Conrad Aiken

    image: Edouard Léon Cortès

     

  6. How Cool Was Marlon Brando?

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    The photo above provides the answer to that question. Marlon Brando was so cool that he could not support his own body weight. The actor’s notorious “I can’t make myself care” persona—so essential for portraying outsiders and iconoclasts on the screen—eventually affected his physiology to the extent that Brando’s central nervous system adopted the same attitude, rendering his muscular frame almost useless at times. That may sound improbable, but a survey of his career reveals this little-known but astonishing fact about the great actor.

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    Notice how, in The Wild One, Brando used that motorcycle (and even whole portions of the set) to prevent himself from falling down. It didn’t always work. The guys in the property department would tease Brando with “What kind of “prop” do you need for this next scene, Marlon?” Brando was like, “Whadda you got?”

    This condition would have been a career killer for the average actor, but this master of The Method merely incorporated his affliction into various roles. Often he was quite subtle; check out how he would use a post, telephone pole, or door frame to support himself.

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    Regrettably, as his fame grew, so too did Brando’s cocky attitude. He became, as Truman Capote famously noted, Hollywood’s most handsome professional recliner. He could be a real show-off at times.

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    Where this was all leading no one could guess at the time, but the LIFE magazine shot below does offer almost prescient foreshadowing.

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    And so one day his entire body said, in so many words, “To hell with it.” Brando faced a long climb back to the top.

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    But again, here’s how damn cool Brando was: rather than spend years in rehab, he chose instead to find even more diabolically clever ways to continue propping himself up, or just fully recline if he could get away with it. Sometimes he would use pets, or maybe a swing set, or even a woman. Sly devil!image

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    When he got the role in The Missouri Breaks as a hit man going after cattle rustlers in the Great American West, the producers figured there wouldn’t be any lying down on the job for that role. Well, they obviously missed Brando’s performance in The Godfather.

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    So there you have it. Brando was just too cool to stand up straight. He made a career—nay, a lifestyle—of reclining, lying down, or holding himself up by grabbing the nearest motorcycle, stage prop, or woman. I guess we can all learn from that: when life gives you lemons, have someone bring you a tall glass of lemonade.

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  7. Wendy: This is KDK 12 calling KDK 1. KDK 12 to KDK 1.

    Ranger: This is KDK 1. We’re receiving you. Over.

    Wendy: Hi. This is Wendy Torrance at the Overlook Hotel.

    Ranger: Hi. How are you folks getting on up there? Over.

    Wendy: Oh we’re just fine, but our telephones don’t seem to be doing too well. Are the lines down by any chance? Over.

    Ranger: Yes. Quite a few of them are down, due to the storm. Over.

    Wendy: Any chance of them being repaired soon? Over.

    Ranger: Well, I wouldn’t like to say. Most winters they stay that way until spring. Over.

    Wendy: Boy, this storm is really something, isn’t it? Over.

    Ranger: Oh yes. It’s one of the worst we’ve had for years. Is there anything else we can do for you, Mrs. Torrance? Over.

    Wendy: I suppose not. Over.

    Ranger: Well, if you folks have any problems there just give us a call, and Mrs. Torrance, I think it might be a good idea if you leave your radio on all the time now. Over.

    Wendy: Okay. We’ll do that. It was real nice talking to you. Bye. Over and Out.

     
  8. ROAD TRIPPING

    Here’s an idea; drop four tabs of the pure stuff, slide into that red Falcon, and head on down to the Crescent City for Mardi Gras. Is that a perfect spring break—or a break with reality? Your call.

    Or how about you and the redhead “fill your tank” with mescaline and take some curves with that ‘66 Chevelle Super Sport. Those red racing walls are like, totally where it’s at.

    Plan C: Dig out of the glove box that last pack of peyote, aim that Thunderbird out Nevada way, and become one with the desert. It’s a journey to the center of the sun.

    Hey, you, with the cool green ‘67 Ford Falcon: One pill makes you smaller! Don’t believe it? Go ask Alice when she was just small—and then pick some daisies with your inner child.

     
  9. Palm Springs is dead today. I’m not complaining; when the world shuts down on Sunday all’s right with the world.

     
  10. Still trying to find some new shoes; everything is just same old same old. I may have to catch a flight somewhere.